we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
