i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
