there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
