I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
