fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
