I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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