I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize