Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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