Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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