went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
