I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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