The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
