david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
NoShamevember. You game?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
