There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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