woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
