I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dear god my vagina.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
