I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
