Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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