Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
