her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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