Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
