he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
