We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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