people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
