We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
