I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
