dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
