i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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