It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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