He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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