Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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