I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize