I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Randomize