i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
