I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
