Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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