First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
