Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
