i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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