Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
