oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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