and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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