I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
