very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i've created a new STD.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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