4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
