I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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