winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
