I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
