Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
