Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
