So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
