it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
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