that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
