he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
