i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
