suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
