i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize