she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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