i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
did you just send me my own nude
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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