Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
