i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
false alarm. still invincible.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize