porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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