I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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