so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize