Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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