It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
