So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
