So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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