Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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