I faked an abortion last night.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Green mimosas i think yes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Randomize
