4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize