i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
