yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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