I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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