just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
