I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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