So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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