Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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