frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
