So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
