let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
last night I used snow as a chaser
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
