Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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