thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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