I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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