Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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