I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I have feelings that need drinking.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize