i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
