Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
